


I Can't SLEeeP

by TaesKimono



Series: "IGANDTTNTBDADTTDNTBD" [1]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Ambiguous Relationships, Happy 420 day? JAKE JK JK, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I couldn't sleep, If you're curious then just read it plz, Late Night Conversations, M/M, Oneshot, Tiny little angst (I've been told), don't do drugs, for real, i still don't know how to tag, it's short, k bye, on the phone, stay in school kids
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-20
Updated: 2018-04-20
Packaged: 2019-04-25 11:59:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14378193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TaesKimono/pseuds/TaesKimono
Summary: Wonwoo can't fall aSLEeeP (I bet you never expected that ;)) so he listens to Mingyu's voice all night loOoOoOoOoOong.





	I Can't SLEeeP

**Author's Note:**

> Part 1 of "I'm good at not doing things that need to be done and doing things that don't need to be done"
> 
> I'll do the things that need to be done too, dw. It's just that sometimes when I can't sleep, I write. And what I end up with usually has nothing to do with the stories I already started.
> 
> If the story sounds familiar, then that's because I plagiarised this song by Samuel... It's called "I can't sleep" & it's really good, GO LISTEN TO IT (if you want). I'm not joking though, it came on shuffle when I couldn't sleep and I snuck some of the lyrics in here 0_0
> 
> HAPPPPPPPPY READING (I hope).

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The end was guaranteed, _nothing lasts_.

It was inevitable, the constant _certain_ in a world of uncertainty.

While some things failed, and others worked, they all boiled down to the same result. The methods could differ all they want, as they often _did_ , but the conclusion was one, they all ended. Whether it was preceded by good or bad, it would come regardless.

It wasn’t exactly a depressing thought, because people often ended things without even noticing. They didn’t _need_ to notice because as soon as something ended _another_ immediately replaced it. Life was constantly moving and changing, and no one had the time to dwell on things that were _no more._ Everyone’s born with the knowledge that they’ll one day die, but that doesn’t stop them from living.

Because everything ended, it was _inevitable_.

Similar to how no one had complete control over how or when things began, or how events unfolded in-between, no one had control over the end either. The only advantage was the knowledge that it would, at some point, _somehow_ , happen. And when it _did,_ fighting it would be futile. Despite knowing all that, he always tried to at least delay the end. Because things were slightly different for Wonwoo, he knew _exactly_ how this would end.

 

Because the end of his day, always began like this. With a gentle ‘hey, Gyu’ whispered under his blankets in the cover of night, and a breathy reply of, ‘hey, Won’ then his lips would spread taut with an eager grin, and he’d wet them when he feared the stretch would cause them to split open.

Then with the cool reinforced glass of his smartphone against his cheek he’d ask, ‘how was your day?’ in a hushed hum of sound, and the velvety voice that always ended his day would murmur into his ear and he’d sigh, melting into his pillows.

Then it’d be his turn to talk about _his_ day, and he’d fight a losing battle with sleep to reply, ‘mine? Mine was so so, it was alright.’ He’d yawn, they’d laugh, and the conversation would flow, naturally, effortlessly, free of awkward pauses. Even their breathing patterns and silent moments after their countless, silly laughing fits were a form of communication between them.

 

But even _this_ would end, he knew not when, but he knew he wanted _him_ till the end.

 

‘Mingyu…’ he pleaded with the younger, there was only so much he could do to stop himself from laughing out loud, the blanket he was under and his closed bedroom door could only muffle his voice up to a certain level. ‘ _Stop_ making me laugh.’

Mingyu made this contended sound that travelled to his core and made his heart buzz, silently frantic.

‘Okay okay, I’ll stop.’ A soft hum, then, ‘I like your voice, hyung.’

Wonwoo laughed, _I like your voice too, Mingyu._ ‘Hyung? Since when do _you_ call me that?’ Mingyu chuckled, the happy sound seeped into his ear and reverberated through his chest, ‘I do what I want.’

Wonwoo scoffed and stifled a laugh, ‘Liar, you do what _I_ want.’

 

Mingyu didn’t protest, he never did, ‘what do you want then, Wonwoo?’ He always gave Wonwoo what he wanted, they both knew that, and it worked both ways too, because they often wanted the same things, ‘You _know_ what I want’ he murmured, and Mingyu definitely _knew_ as he hummed and asked, ‘before school?’

‘No, let’s meet after, I have a test in the morning.’ Mingyu fake-gasped and Wonwoo smiled, imagining the younger’s terrible acting, wishing he could see those sparkly eyes and addictive smile.

‘But you’re _still_ talking to me, so I’m _more_ important than your grades? _Awwwww_ , _Wonwoooooo_ ’ His heart expanded in the way that only Mingyu could manage, ‘You’re so weird.’

Then he chuckled through another yawn and Mingyu did it too. So they both laughed, then the younger asked the question that he knew was coming but dreaded anyway, because it signalled the beginning of the end. ‘wanna go to sleep now?’ he hears it every night but his answer never changes.

 

‘No.’ and he never elaborates on his answer. The darkness beyond his window wasn’t as black anymore, he knew he’d have to wake up soon, to start his tomorrow, but he didn’t want the night to end. Not yet, he wasn’t ready to let go, gently he removed the covers off his warm body, his bare feet dove into the soft carpet and the bristles interwove between his toes, he loved the feeling.

He walked towards the window, footfalls landing to the tune of Mingyu’s breathing, the window opened soundlessly, and the cool late-summer breeze embraced him immediately, slipping under his shirt and running in long wisps through his hair strands. As he stood there breathing in the fresh air, Wonwoo wished it could take him in flight, so he could shine among the stars and lounge on the clouds.

Mingyu’s smile could be heard in his sleepy voice as he spoke, he could listen to him forever, _will I ever be put off your voice?_ He _wanted_ to listen to him forever, but he _knew_ he couldn’t.

At that moment he glared at the full moon, bright, proud and selfish. It kept moving eastwards on its axis, greedily disregarding his wishes. Because he wanted it to stay put, he wanted the night to last forever.

He huffed, resigned and restless, Wonwoo shut the blinds and slid back under his bed covers, listening to Mingyu’s voice, he had no idea what the younger was on about, but he was smiling nonetheless.

Wonwoo grew less and less sober with every sound Mingyu made for him, and as the night deepened he became more drunk on his voice, yet he was _somehow_ still wide awake, holding onto hope.

 

‘Why not?’ Mingyu asked, voice raspy and laden with sleep, _because I can’t put the phone down, because I’m afraid I’ll lose you if I sleep._ Instead of voicing his true reasons, he’d smile, ‘I can’t sleep, Gyu.’

Not exactly a lie, since his eyes wouldn’t close for more than a blink, maybe they knew he’d have to part with Mingyu if they closed.

‘Want me to sing you to sleep?’ _yes, I love your voice._

‘Mingyu, that’ll only wake me up more.’

The younger would hum and suggest different things to cure his insomnia.

 

 _Mingyu, I only want you_ , Wonwoo would only think that, while he let the younger attempt to diagnose the cause of his sleepless night by asking and suggesting the same things he did every night.

‘Have you had too much coffee?’ _You know I don’t drink coffee._

‘Are you worried about anything?’ _You. Us. What are you doing to me?_

‘Did you watch another scary movie?’ _Scary movies aren’t even scary to me, but losing you is._

‘Is it too hot in your room?’ Wonwoo would pretend to hum in thought, answer everything in his mind and never let the words leave his lips.

His answers were always the same, either a soft laugh, a hum, a strange sound somewhere in between a choke and a whine. It was hard to explain the sounds Mingyu dragged out of him, he didn’t even know he could make them until they met and began talking on a nightly basis. That’s when communicating various meanings, feelings and expressions by sound became a necessity for them, since they couldn’t see the other’s face. If Wonwoo replied with actual words, then it never exceeded a word or two, he’d rather listen than talk.

 

Mingyu would laugh along with him, then continue to ask and suggest things, clueless to Wonwoo’s internal dialogues.

Then younger’s tone turned teasing, ‘Maybe it’s cuz you napped so well today, right?’ He blushed freely, no one could see him lose his mind anyway, ‘…All I remember is my head on your shoulder, I didn’t close my eyes.’ He knew himself that he was lying, because they’d met up after school and he _did_ fall asleep on Mingyu’s shoulder while the younger read him a book.

He remembered how he coaxed him to get him to agree, “ _But you read it so much better, Gyu. You emphasise the right things and make the story sound more alive and interesting._ ”

Wonwoo smiled, recalling the rosy tint to Mingyu’s cheeks as he fell for his elaborate lie, and the cute whinging as he agreed, “ _Fiiiiine, you better listen carefully, Won._ ”

Then he remembered how he snuggled closer, head resting on the younger’s shoulder, eyelids fluttering shut to enjoy the husky yet gentle voice of Mingyu as he began reading to him. Wonwoo had only made up the lie to conceal the fact that he just loved hearing Mingyu’s voice, but he was so tired from his last lesson. He didn’t know why he chose track, but he regretted that decision greatly when his legs felt too weak to even walk after a training session. He remembered how he wanted to just relax his sore body but somehow ended up accidently falling asleep instead.

Mingyu made a mock contemplating sound, ‘Explain how your head ended up on my lap then, I’ll wait.’

Wonwoo blushed more freely, he knew he embarrassed himself, but he didn’t care as was evident from his answer, ‘gravity?’

Mingyu snorted, ‘that’s lame, you don’t know because you fell asleep.’

‘I was tired’ He mumbled and Mingyu sighed heavily but Wonwoo knew it was just playful, ‘oh, I wonder why?’

The older laughed and wished he could hit him for being so terrible at acting, but Mingyu spoke up again, tone slightly urgent, ‘look at the time, Wonwoo.’ ‘What time is it?’ he sighed, not wanting to hear the answer at all, _because I know it’s time to say goodbye, but I don’t want to._

 

‘Almost 3am, you have a test, go to sleep.’ Their nightly phone call entered the final phase, the push and pull.

It was the part he often remembered the least, the part where he became honest and uncensored, the phase when his thoughts grew a voice and used it freely, without consulting him first.

‘Tell me a bedtime story, Gyu.’

Mingyu sighed, ‘You’ll be late tomorrow.’ He warned and Wonwoo just chuckled at Mingyu’s serious tone, ‘I’m always late because of you anyway.’

The younger sighed again, ‘But I always tell you to sleep, you _don’t_ listen’ that _was_ true, but if Mingyu really wanted him to sleep then he’d have hit the red button to end the call already. It wasn’t that hard, Mingyu could easily end this if he wanted, but Wonwoo knew the younger hated parting with him just as much as he did.

‘I’d rather listen to you all night and be late, than sleep and miss you’ Wonwoo’s heart spoke without his permission, it didn’t listen to him, _because_ _my heart only listens to you, Mingyu._

 

There was slight static, as if Mingyu moved the phone away from himself, for whatever reason and for an awful silent moment Wonwoo thought the call was over. His heartbeat grew so silent and dull that it didn’t even seem like it was beating anymore, that’s when Mingyu’s soft voice came back to save him, ‘me too, but what if you fall asleep during your test?’

Wonwoo sighed in relief, he won some more time with Mingyu and he hummed his answer happily, ‘it’s a small class test, we’re getting the results on the same day. It’s easy.’

Mingyu paused for a second and Wonwoo could imagine his sculpted eyebrows rise sceptically and his full-lips purse as he thought, ‘Okay, just don’t blame me if you fail.’ The younger replied in a lighter tone, his voice sounding thick like honey but a million times sweeter. ‘I’ll always blame you.’ Wonwoo drawled into the speaker, he was definitely drunk, not on alcohol but _this_ voice and he couldn’t get enough either.

Mingyu groaned, ‘you always blame me, even when its clearly someone else’s fau-’ Wonwoo intercepted the younger’s complaint, ‘because I like you most.’ he was flirting, there was no doubt about that. It was a thing that happened this late at night, when his filter abandoned him, and normally when one of them started it, the other played along. It seemed to be no different this time.

‘I like you too, Wonwoo...’

 

Was it the darkness, the cover of night, the mellow vibes from their hushed conversations? Or has the thrill of doing things that they shouldn’t, instil a false sense of bravery in them? The knowledge that things could get very unpleasant if ever they were caught, was it spurring them on to say increasingly more daring things? Did Mingyu hear the real meaning behind his words? Did he have a hidden meaning in _his_ own reply?

Wonwoo’s conscious rose back up to the surface just in time to hear the younger’s next words, ‘… But I’m hanging up now, get some sleep.’

 

Wonwoo ran a hand down his tired face and sighed, ‘you know I won’t.’

‘should I come over?’ Mingyu asked and Wonwoo’s overworked brain couldn’t figure out whether the younger was being serious or playful, the outcome would be the same either way, ‘ _Sure_ , if you have a death wish.’

Mingyu’s gasp was probably the fakest he’d heard so far tonight, ‘you wouldn’t let me die, right?’

Their whole conversation was meaningless at this point, light-hearted jokes and pointless banter, so he couldn’t explain what possessed him to suddenly sound so serious when he whispered, ‘I’d die with you.’

He didn’t know why he felt the need to say that, but he did, and it came out as simple and factual as the statement “the sun rises from the east” despite its obviously dark undertones. _Why is it, that it’s so easy for me to say things like that about you?_

There was a pause, a lapse in his mind, could’ve been a few seconds or a few minutes, he didn’t know that either.

Mingyu called his name and he perked up immediately, ‘no one’s dying, Won. Stop that. Sleep.’ The younger sounded distressed but his tone retained its lightness, Mingyu was a happy kid by nature, Wonwoo tried too, but his mind was dark sometimes. Still, Wonwoo’s answer never changed, it remained monosyllabic and negative, ‘ _No_.’

 

Mingyu made a noise, the one that meant he was judging him for being so difficult, the one he made that time, when Wonwoo insisted on reading the same book for the 5th time instead of the new one Mingyu recommended. And the time they went out to eat together, a rare occurrence in itself, yet Wonwoo ordered ramen instead of trying something new. So Wonwoo knew something negative usually followed that noise and he wasn’t wrong, ‘I won’t meet you tomorrow then.’ Wonwoo was tired, but not enough to doubt that it was just a joke, so he joked back, ‘I’ll get a new secret best friend and meet him instead.’

 

Mingyu whined and he thought he could hear it in his room, not just through the phone speaker, but it was an irrational thought considering the number of walls and the distance between their homes.

The younger spoke and the sound was barely a whisper, ‘It really fucking hurts when you joke about things like that…’ Mingyu might look the part but he was a terrible actor, there was no way he could command his voice to wobble like this, no way he could will himself to sound so fearful and small the way he did now. Mingyu _wasn’t_ acting, Wonwoo realised that he really _was_ hurt by his words.

 

His heart felt raw and beaten, like it’d been dropped from harrowing heights, left to splatter into tiny fragments upon landing. Mercilessly pierced with a million sharp thorny vines, painfully penetrating the weeping muscle and planting itself in the centre, the pain Wonwoo felt was equal parts sobering as it was agonising. He swallowed the anxiety and willed the heavy atmosphere to be less crushing on his lungs, _did Mingyu think he was easily replaceable?_ because he could never replace Mingyu, wouldn’t be able to even if he tried.

 

‘Mingyu…’ he whispered into the heating device, burning up with the overuse as he burned up with overwhelming feelings, too mingled together for any of them to stand out individually. He tried to ignore them, but they continued to grow, overflowing and spilling into his mind.

It was frustrating and confusing, he felt hot and recognised the sequence as one he’d felt often prior to crying, so he immediately silenced them all. He couldn’t afford to cry right now, he had to appease the younger somehow, so he said, ‘don’t be a baby, you know I’m not serious.’

Wonwoo injected as much raw honesty as he could, tried to keep his tone light-hearted despite the pain he felt, and it appeared to have paid off because Mingyu sounded less stressed when he spoke next, ‘I’m only being a baby because you keep hurting me.’

Mingyu was pouting, he could hear it in the way he sulked, and it was adorable, it gave his heart a different kind of pain, more pleasant than the first and it caused him to grab fistfuls of his blanket to stop himself from squealing.

‘I’ll make you feel better tomorrow, baby.’ He murmured after collecting his sanity, ‘Okay, I’ll hold you to that. But don’t talk about replacing me again.’

‘I won’t.’ Wonwoo affirmed, it might slip jokingly, but he’d never mean it. Mingyu sighed, he sounded satisfied with that answer and his next confession completely tore down every last bit of composure that Wonwoo had been trying to assemble, ‘I love you, Won.’

Out of surprise, he choked on his own saliva and the sound wasn’t at all pleasant, he coughed and the younger laughed, then Wonwoo cleared his throat and said, ‘I love you too, Gyu.’ then he removed the phone from his hot ear and counted to three, then they finally hung up, then it was over.

At least the phone call was, but his night didn’t seem to want to end just yet.

 

For the past year and a half his nights ended the same. He had no control over the start or the in-betweens, but his endings were always guaranteed, always the same. Whispered confessions between best friends who weren’t supposed to get along, a confession that Wonwoo wished meant more but one that was wrong on so many levels.

Time ticked by silently but sleep never came to claim him, he lay wide awake, unblinking and still.

The night spilled into light and the darkness became more bright.

He closed his eyes, tomorrow would soon be here, but he was yet to fall asleep.

 

At least his tomorrow was already better before it even begun, and the end was always guaranteed anyway, so he didn’t care much about the in-betweens.

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Okay... Let me know what you think in the comments (I'll do my best to reply).  
> Follow me on twitter (only if you want to).
> 
> Leave me a KUdO if you like & THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING :D


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